We have written before about the Gowanus Canal, for which we have great affection, having lived within walking distance of it when living in Brooklyn. Poor canal. It has been described as “the only body of water in the world that is 90% guns.” By early in the 20th century, it had already earned the nickname “Lavender Lake,” so polluted had it become.
We are now returning to the topic because of a recent news story, reported in The New York Times, which noted that the Gowanus is “a Superfund site famed for its spectacular levels of contamination.” That contamination was cited in the context of what had allegedly just been found in the murky waters: a three-eyed catfish.
From the photo of the creature, it appeared there was something in the center of its forehead, but it did not look like an eye to us. The Times described it as “a semiopalescent round object with a dark center” and noted: “Without examining the fish, the State Department of Environmental Conservation could not make a definite determination but said the eye-looking thing was probably a scar, formed over the midline gap in a fish’s skull known as the cranial foramen.”
[The New York Times is the only newspaper in the world in which the words “cranial foramen” and “semiopalescent” would ever appear. Until now.]What struck us most about the story, though, was an interview with a local who also was skeptical about the reputed catch.
According to The Times: A man “who says he has fished in the Gowanus for more than 25 years said there was no way the threeeyed fish came from the canal. ‘In all the years fishing there,’ he said, ‘I have never seen a catfish come up, alive or dead.’”
To which, our reaction was: Wait a minute! Who would fish in the Gowanus? Ever? Much less than for 25 years? Does this man consume the fish he catches?
Does he have three eyes? Alas, the reporter did not address those matters.
Part of us, though, hoped that the catfish was real, and we were going to suggest that it might be named New York’s Official State Monster. Then we remembered: New York already has one. This is true.
In the depths of Lake Champlain, located between New York and Vermont up near the Canadian border, there reportedly lives a beast said to resemble the Loch Ness Monster. It has been affectionately nicknamed “Champ” and, like “Nessie,” is a great tourist lure. The legend reportedly dates back to the Native American tribes who had originally lived in the region.
“Champ” also has an impressive Latin name, “Champtanystropheus americansus.”
In 1982, the State of Vermont passed a resolution protecting “Champ.” Not to be outdone, the following year the N.Y. State Legislature passed a similar resolution placing him under state protection and also designating him N.Y.’s Official State Monster.
Which leads us to the obvious question: How come New Jersey doesn’t have an Official State Monster? You can guess whom we would nominate: our pal, the Jersey Devil, of course.
We mentioned that to a couple of people, who argued that a better choice would be Chris Christie, but he wouldn’t stand a chance. By tradition, Official State Monsters have to possess a modicum of charm.
